Should I Go to Church?

This is a post that I originally started in the Daily Thoughts Page, but I started getting long winded and decided to make it into a post.

It is after midnight already, so I guess that makes today Sunday already.  As I have stated, I do not have issues with God or Christianity.  Or at least not now.  But I do have issues with church itself.  I have said that I am a member of a local Protestant church that I really don't attend.  I would like to get back to attending church.  But the thought of going does give me anxiety.  Should I go to the church I am a member of?  A different Protestant church?  But which one?  A Catholic church?  Which I am somewhat considering.

The issue is that the church, the denomination as a whole, that I am a member of is known for it's liberal leanings.  Their "official" statement on abortion is rather wishy washy and worded so the member/reader can take the meaning to however they want.  But basically they are so called "pro-choice" in their dealings and actions.

I am a single woman.  Never been married.  No prospects on the horizon.  The idea of marital status in most churches is that you need to be married, to be taken seriously. This even in the more liberal churches that "champion" gay marriage, homosexuality, and/or abortion; with a "meh" attitude towards premarital sex.
I feel that even in the church I belong to if I were to proclaim "I am a proud lesbian who has had multiple abortions.  No regrets!  My body, my choice!" I would be taken more seriously than being unmarried, heterosexual, conservative and pro-life.
Many of the churches that are known as pro-life and traditional family/marriage will look akin to a woman who is unmarried.  Yet, not really so much towards unmarried men. The attitude is that the men are just not ready or something.  But unmarried women are to be pitied.  There must be something wrong with her.  Maybe she's a promiscuous feminist.
Whether the church is liberal or conservative, women are expected to be married, unless they are gay.  You will only be expected to be taken seriously if you can physically give them future members or pew sitters.  Oh gosh, and the gossip.  No one will talk to you, but will make up stories about you left and right.

Yes, I know, the focus should be on Christ.  I am being guided in this area in finding a Christ centered Bible based church.  But still, isn't community supposed be part of the church?  If that is the fact, then shouldn't all Christians be accepted into the church community, regardless of their station in life? 

Thoughts on Rachel's Vineyard Retreat

Wow, February 13, 2015; last time I wrote a post?  Has it been that long?  I have had so many thoughts swirling around in that time.  I have wrote out quick quips at the Anastasia and Hanelore Twitter account.  I am feeling that now is the time to write a few new posts.

This past weekend I attended a Rachel's Vineyard retreat.  While I am still processing everything that happened, I would like to express a few of my quick observations.  Perhaps I will write more in detail, without being too personal, at a later time.
For post abortion healing this is a great retreat!  I felt validated to connect with men and women who have been through what I have been going through for the past 20 years.  While their experiences may not have been exactly as mine, I finally felt as though others understood my pain.  There was much peace and healing. I was given many gifts from the retreat, leaders and most importantly a gift of peace from the Lord. 

It may have been Catholic oriented, but all from all faiths are welcome.  I was the only non-Catholic there.  In fact, I am a Christian, a member of a local church, still no "actual" connection to an actual church.  (That is a subject for another post)  Yet, I felt very accepted by everyone.  I even had my own Marian experience/image.  Nothing like "an image of Mary on my toast" kind of thing, but through meditation.

Everyone was given a journal to write their thoughts and stories.  I didn't write anything while there.  I did stay at a nearby hotel after the retreat was over.  There, I did start to write into the journal.  I have more to write into it.  I can pour out more personally into that.  I wanted to make sure I wrote down who gave me what gifts, so as to remember and treasure them.  As to treasure within my heart the persons who gave them to me. 
Oh, there is so much I want to share, but again, I want to write out personally pouring out my heart.  Then edit out that which would be too personal.  There were so many meditation places within the center to reflect on Christ's Sacrifice and God's love for ALL us sinners.  I will forever treasure everything within my heart. 

During my stay at the hotel I created a "portable shrine" from many of the items received from the retreat.  After coming home I set up the shrine at my kitchen table, along with personal family oriented items added.  I prayed the rosary at this personal shrine, along with a quiet meditation.  I truly felt at peace.  A peace I have never experienced before.

Please join me in following reflections and growth to come...

Additions to Previous Post

I reread the previous post Dear Young Woman...(A Letter) an added more that I originally wanted to say when first published.  The following is what I added.  If you have not read the full post already, please click the link in the title above.

* I would like to add that you may be scared to contact organizations or persons whom you don't know.  Maybe you are scared of the "judgmental pro-life" stereotypes.  Maybe you are scared of "telling others your business."  Believe me, I know how you are feeling.  I knew about adoption agencies such as adoptions within the Catholic Social Services during my first pregnancy.  I did not know of any crisis pregnancy centers at the time.  Perhaps they existed, but not as well publicized as now.  I was too scared to call them.  This being the era before the internet.  You may be saying "But I am not Catholic."  They will help you anyways.  And there are many other adoption services that are not Catholic or non Christian at all; please check here adoption services.  When I suggested during the "family intervention" about adoptions through Catholic Social Services I was told "But our family is not Catholic.  We wouldn't want Catholics to raise the child."  Or something like that.  Not calling them is the biggest regret I will have for the rest of my life.  I would rather wonder about my "good little Catholic" daughter and what happened to her and how she is doing now than knowing that she was denied a life for the "family image." 
*If you are reading this and knowing someone in an unexpected pregnancy who may be feeling the pressure of abortion or she is contemplating it herself you may be feeling discouraged if you are her lone voice.  Please, please do not give up.  Give her all the pro-life information you can.