"Matt" Didn't Care

In continuation from a previous post; I Knew, Almost Soon After Conception

After telling "Matt" that I was pregnant he didn't seem to care one way or the other.  He said something to the effect of "Well my sister is a nurse.  She knows of ways to take care of that."  What?  I took it to mean doing something at home to cause a miscarriage.  I told him NO!  Then in a jerky sort of way he said "I was just kidding" and said he would help to take care of the child.

I asked him if he was going to "make an honest woman of me."  He said he would.  OK, so not quite the romantic proposal little girls dream of, but I thought it meant he would marry me.  Big misunderstanding on my part.  Like most women who are planning on getting married I bought a bridal magazine.  Looked at dresses.  Talked to my mom.  Was focusing on choosing an empire style gown.  My best friend at the time had agreed to stand up with me.
Called the church that I had been baptized at, where my parents were married and where my grandparents were married.  One of the closest dates that would have been available on my grandparent's anniversary.  The baby would have only been a couple weeks old or a couple weeks before birth for that date.  Again, as I had stated previously, my memory is foggy.  I am just guestimating according to the rememberances of when I would have become pregnant. 

At some point after all this was done, probably just a couple days after telling him, "Matt" saw the magazines on my coffee table.  He laughed.  Asked what that was all about.  I said "we are getting married aren't we?".  He said yeah.  But maybe when the baby was a couple years old.  I was hurt.  I had just assumed he meant  that he would marry me before the baby was born.  Then we got into a fight.  Arguing about how the baby would be raised, whether we were going to be living separately while raising the baby.

We did decide we would get married before the baby was born.  I know, not quite the way to get started.  But he didn't want a big wedding because he had been married before and didn't see the point of having a large wedding.   Again, another argument.  I didn't want a big huge affair.  But I did want the traditional church wedding with the white dress.

I can not recall how long I was pregnant for before the abortion.  It could have been only a week, two weeks, or three after finding out I was pregnant.  I was about six weeks along when I had the ultrasound.  In my mind's memory everything seemed at once a short time and a long time.  I do recall my mother and I telling my grandmother and aunt.  Spending a few pregnancy days with "Matt."  Visiting my mother who lived in another town.  I was once at his house while he was talking to his parents on the phone.  He told them we were going to get married.  On his side of the conversation he said "No, she's not pregnant."  There was one day when we went to his sister's house to see his nieces and the puppies their dog had given birth too.  He told me not to say anything about being pregnant to anyone. 

To be continued...