I had been dating "Matt" since November of 1994. We started out as friends. I had only been living on my own for just a couple months before that. Never had any dating experience. I worked with "Matt." Sometimes he would visit me at my apartment, sometimes I would visit at him at his house. He had attempted quite a few times to get me to sleep with him. I rebuffed him at first. It was early January of 1995 when I finally lost my virginity to him.
I am not sure exactly when I would have gotten pregnant, perhaps it was during "my first time." I do recall at some point "Matt" was staying at my apartment, I think it was late January or early February. I woke up to go to the bathroom, he was still asleep. Nothing seriously physical was wrong with me. Yet, I couldn't shake off a strange feeling that something was "off." Not sure what it was exactly. I had wondered if maybe I were pregnant, yet I didn't really have any symptoms. I could feel something physical inside of me that just didn't seem usual.
Then I started getting a little poochy belly and my boobs were growing quite fast. I was then leaning towards the possibility that I may be pregnant. My family noticed my "growing." I just told them that maybe I was eating too much.
I still kept having gnawing thoughts of pregnancy. I kept those thoughts to myself. I had bought a couple at home pregnancy tests. The package said that results are shown after the first missed period. Well I didn't have a missed period. So that was useless. There was a part of me that didn't want to be pregnant, but a part of me would like to have been a mother. I can't quite explain the feeling.
Then one day, for no reason at all, I decided to clean the little apartment and rearrange the furniture. I just wanted a whole new look. That is when I had the very worst period of my entire life! The cramps were horrible. The bleeding was crazy. I was bed ridden for over a week. I had never ever had cramps before. Previously, since age 12, the bleeding was the only sign I was ever having my period.
Things just didn't seem right. I made an appointment with the doctor. I was young, naive and inexperienced. I was scared to tell her that I thought I may be pregnant. I just told her my symptoms, in hopes that she would ask the questions. She never did. Just gave me some pain pills.
Still, something did not seem right. I took another at home pregnancy test. Yep, positive. I do believe I told my mother first. I can't remember for sure if it was or her or "Matt" that I told first, most likely it was her. She was a bit disappointed, but she was willing to support me. She asked about the doctor visit. I told her that the doctor didn't even do or say anything leading toward pregnancy. My mother had called the doctor, and told her about my at home test results. She referred us to an OB/GYN. They confirmed that I was pregnant. An ultra sound was performed. My mother was with me and saw the ultra sound. I saw my little child. "She" was at 6 weeks along.
That is when I told "Matt" I was definitely pregnant. To be continued...
No comments:
Post a Comment