Yesterday I posted in regards to my grandmother being the one who first wanted me to have the abortion. I suppose I did say some not so nice things in regards to my feelings about her. Not that I am making excuses, but my emotions are rather raw right now. I am confused. This is not the grandma I know/knew.
Grandma's are supposed to be nice and kind and caring and patient and loving. And knit things and cook big meals and stuff. Or at least that's the stereotype.
When I started remembering the abortion I wondered why she never "rescued" me from my mother. Thinking that she was just a "go along" during the "intervention". Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that she would want that for me. That she wouldn't have wanted to hold her own granddaughter's child. I was wondering why she never called me up and "snuck behind my mom's back" to take me somewhere to get info on alternatives to abortion, should I not keep my child. Well I guess I know why. Ain't it just a kicker, huh?
My parents are divorced. I may have mentioned that before, not sure. As a child I spent many days after school at my grandparents' while my mom was still at work. My mom always seemed busy with one thing or another. Grandpa was usually watching TV or fixing his car or fixing something else. But my grandma was always there. Maybe it was just to go shopping at the mall or grocery store. Sometimes she would take me with her to help her mother run errands. It was always nice to have lunch with my grandma and great grandma. Sometimes we would just sit in the living room watching soaps or Phil Donahue. Sometimes I would help her cook.
So this revelation just smacked me out of nowhere. I can not seem to wrap my head around it. Why would she want to hurt me so bad?
Powerful expression of what you feel after the ground dropped away from beneath your feet.
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