Is it wrong for me to say I hate my grandmother? My 90 year old grandmother that is. That I currently do not want to see her anymore? That I hope she dies before my cousins have kids of their own? Does this sound bad? It does to me. But I can't help it.
A lot has been going since my last post, and definitely since I started blogging, off and on. Having blow ups and reconciliations with my mother, and another blow up. See, a few weeks ago I found out something major that changes the whole narration of Her Views Turned on a Dime. I found out that the abortion was initially my grandmother's idea.
Supposedly, the story goes that after my mother and I told my aunt and grandmother that I was pregnant my grandma took my mother aside and told her I should have an abortion. Why? Because she wanted to hide my pregnancy. She didn't want anyone to know I had sex with my boyfriend. And, and, I can't say for sure, only speculate, but I think there was some vanity going on. She wasn't 70 yet. I honestly think she thought she "wasn't old enough to be a great grandma."
She's never even said anything to admitting to the abortion being her idea first. Even after me finally admitting to being bothered by it. I recall after my mother came for a visit I told her about a fight I had with my mother. I made mention that my mother's true anger is at Planned Parenthood. As I thought my mother had talked to Planned Parenthood before the "intervention." My grandma didn't correct me and admit it was her.
She told me I needed to move on and forget about it. I explained to her that I did that for twenty years. That I eventually broke down and remembered. I told her about the first dream I had about Anastasia and Hanelore. She told me dreams don't mean anything. And the abortion was for the best. It was God's Plan! Really?! God plans for people to have abortions?!
Pisses me off! She doesn't even care that two future generations are gone for the from the family, because of some dumb image idea! That she doesn't care how hurt I am feeling. That she has no clue what it was like to have my legs in a stirrup with a vacuum up my cooch!
Hi, just read your post. My heart goes out to you as well as prayers. Have you ever called any of our RV group or the team, Kristyn, Jane or any of them? Just to talk things through? I have actually done that a couple of times. I know what helps one may not help another, But?
ReplyDeleteForgiving myself for not being able to save my son was easy compared to forgiving my ex for doing it. "Forgive them, for they know not what they do"
God bless and get in touch with RV people, we are all still having struggles. Roger
Hi Roger, Thank you for your comment. It has been so long since I talked to anyone from the retreat. Thought about it. I feel awkward and selfish, since I haven't contacted anyone in a while.
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