Don't Say That!

In trying to heal and talk through my feelings with my mother I have heard the same tired old trite "I know plenty of women who have had abortions and they are fine.  They are married, happy and have children.  Blah, blah, blah."  This seems to be a tactic of the pro-abortion side.  All it does is makes post abortion women who have anxiety issues feel bad about themselves.  They end up feeling marginalized, useless, weird, wrong, crazy, add your own adjective.
In fact, every time I talk to my mother it seems I find a new relative who had an abortion.  One of these is a cousin of her's.  She claims that the cousin is happily married with children and grandchildren.  Come to find out, she never heard it from the cousin.  I don't know who the source is.  But how the hell does she know if the cousin is happy or not, if she has not heard her views from the person directly?  I wonder how many others of the "women she knows" are merely third hand?

I have Googled for advice as to what or what not to say to someone who has had an abortion(s).  The following, from AfterAbortion.org is probably the best source I found with both don'ts with a corresponding do.  I will list the don'ts and link to the full article.

DON'T SAY

DON’T shut them off by changing the subject.
DON’T presume to know their own unique situation or condemn them for making a bad or immoral choice.
DON’T deny that they lost a child.
DON’T encourage them to blame others for the abortion. But don’t push them to forgive others, especially when they are in the initial stages of venting their anger and rage.
DON’T dismiss their feeling or tell them “did what was best,” or to just “get over it.”
DON’T suggest that having another child “someday” can make up for the one that was lost. This can negate their pain, suffering and feelings of loss for that particular child. Future children are a blessing and comfort, but they can’t replace the child who was lost.
DON’T leave them without offering your support and, if needed, encouraging them to seek out the help of post-abortion counselors or peer support groups.
DON’T be afraid to ask them how they are doing with it in the future.

These are just the Don'ts.  Please do go to the full link, http://afterabortion.org/1999/what-to-say-and-not-say-when-talking-to-someone-who-has-had-an-abortion/ to also read the dos.