First of the Year Quarterly Update

Looks like it's been about six months since my last posting. Oh my, where has the time gone? Where do I even start?
Perhaps I should get back to where I left off and "move forward" (that's kind of my catch phrase from now on) from there.

So the last post was about the Her Choice to Heal book by Sydna Masse. I stated that I would like to start a weekly book report about different post abortive books on healing. I still plan on doing that. Currently I am participating in an online book group for Lent. So, I will get back to sharing info on the books soon after Easter.

Part of what distracted me from writing was my mother came to visit, from the current state in which she lives. Actually, things went pretty well. We may have had a small tiff here or there. But generally we got along. And I would like to share that specific aspect of the healing journey in upcoming posts.

Been reading past posts, wow somebody needs a proof reader! But I digress. Seems since the breakdown I always seem to become physically ill in one form or another off and on from January to March. Yep. Been like that this year, of 2018. It will probably be like that, if not forever, for the next few years. And you know what? That's OK.

At the beginning of this year I decided to make an "anti-resolution." Let me explain. At the start of every calendar year so many of us make resolutions for this thing or the other. Usually it's weight loss, being more healthy, being a better spouse, employee, student, giving up one habit of another, giving more to charity, volunteering, or just a better person in general.
Every year at the start of January, since the memories surfaced, I would always make my little vows that "this year will be better." I would proclaim that I would not let the anxiety bother me. I would proclaim to not let the memories get to to me. How that would happen I don't know.
This year I decided not to even try. Despite being sick off and on, this has probably been my best first quarter of the year since the breakdowns. Perhaps even since the abortions.
Do I still fall? Yes. Do I get back up? Yes. A while back I chose to get up and dust off, over forget and move on. By the way, I hate that phrase about forgetting and moving on with every passion in my being. My falling seems to be less extreme and injurious, the bumps and bruises are less painful. This of course from an emotional standpoint. When I get up from the falls I stand taller. I stand prouder. The dust that needs to be shaken off is less thick.
Why is this? It could be just the old standby of "time heals old wounds." Which I will give credence to that. But I think there is an aspect of when the memories do surface I just let it ride. I don't attempt to will them away. The memories do seem less frequent. Frankly, there really is not many new memories to come to the surface. Though there are still some blank spots, I think I have remembered all that I can.

Perhaps I am remembering all that God will allow. Perhaps He will give me more memories as He sees fit that I can handle. Perhaps not. Truly I could not do this without my faith in Him. My morning prayers don't include specifities about the memories, unless I may have had a rather jarring dream that recalled back to the memories. But I do pray that He will watch over, guide me, and keep the anxiety at bay. Should I have anxiety in the day, I will stop what I am doing and get on my knees to pray.

One area in which I will be making a conscious effort is ideas for future posts, besides those mentioned above. I will be writing thoughts that have been stuck in my head since last year, but still relevant to share. I want to keep up the Random Thoughts page, when quick quips pop in my head. I also want to fill in the gaps about the first ten or so years following the abortions. I will be adding current pro-life articles that are in the news. Perhaps just sharing, maybe adding my own thoughts. I will be adding a few Christian posts, that focus on grief and abortion.

Monday Book Reads - Her Choice to Heal

I have mentioned before that soon after the memories came to light I started reading books regarding post abortion healing. I would like to share some of those books in which have helped me in my healing journey. I am thinking of doing a weekly book spotlight. I have chosen Monday. Seems a good day as any. The best way to give a description of the books is to do a copy/paste of the Amazon.com description. It would be the best way to give credit to what the author is trying to convey through their writings. I may reread the book and give quick short review, within the week. It may be interesting to reread with fresh eyes.
Perhaps, you dear reader, are post-abortive and/or know someone who is. The abortion may have been recent. Perhaps happened a few years ago. Maybe even a few decades. And the woman is just now remembering, as is what happened with me. You are trying to figure out what's going on, within yourself. Or you want to help your friend/family member. But you don't know how. While most of these books are written with the post abortive woman as the reader in mind, they can also help others to understand the thoughts and actions of the post abortive woman. They can be a suggestion for the post abortive woman in your life. But do not, I repeat DO NOT suggest any book to her UNLESS and only unless she has shown interest in getting healing information.
Most books on the subject are Christian based. A few are non religious in nature. The Christian based books are not so overt as to be of uninterest to non Christians.
Whether you are the post abortive woman or she is someone you know, the healing may come right away, or it may take a while, even a few years. Please do not begin reading with a healing timeline. Just give to God in prayer and let Him do his work in you.

That being said, the inauguration book for this new series is Her Choice to Heal by Sydna Masse. The title itself says it all. The choice to heal needs to be the woman's herself. She does not need anybody to be "helpful," as it can seem a bit pushy, putting her on the spot.

Description from Amazon.com;

What do 33% of American women have in common?  They've experienced abortion.

You might be one of these women. Or maybe it's your friend, sister, coworker, or the woman sitting next to you at church. Regardless, post-abortive women are in pain, and at some point, most will experience post-abortion syndrome (PAS), a form of post traumatic stress disorder. But they may never talk about it. Many are silent because they are filled with shame, grief and guilt, afraid of judgment and condemnation.  Few realize that peace is attainable through Christ's mourning process and the knowledge that because of His grace, they will reunite with their lost loved ones in Heaven.
Her Choice to Heal is designed to help women find a way to God's healing after this devastating choice.  Written by a post-abortive woman, it includes testimonies of strength, healing and hope.  Sydna compassionately leads you on the difficult journey through denial, anger, and grief, to forgiveness, redemption, and letting go.  Her Choice to Heal offers a roadmap to healing - practical suggestions, resources for help, space to journal, with the encouragement and hope found in Christ alone. 

Can be purchased at this link.